Soccer... why does it suck so much?
I don't know how many years people have been trying to sell soccer to Americans but maybe it's time they come up with a pitch other than variations of, "Hey, the whole world goes gaga over this stuff, you should too... dummies." Get a few chicks in there. Give Paris Hilton a soccer ball, play some Aerosmith, and turn on the sprinkler system.
I should be sleeping but am watching the USA-Italy match. One of the Italians was just issued something called a "red card" so they have to play shorthanded the rest of the match. It's 1-1. I bet there isn't another score the rest of the game. Imagine the Red Wings playing 2/3 of a game on the power play and not being able to score.
Here are some other observations about why soccer sucks...
I should be sleeping but am watching the USA-Italy match. One of the Italians was just issued something called a "red card" so they have to play shorthanded the rest of the match. It's 1-1. I bet there isn't another score the rest of the game. Imagine the Red Wings playing 2/3 of a game on the power play and not being able to score.
Here are some other observations about why soccer sucks...
- All the best players are not Americans. This in itself does not make a sport suck but it doesn't help.
- The USA scored on an "own goal"... what other sport does that happen in?
- It's an entire sport made up of kickers. Those are the guys John Madden makes fun of, right?
- Oh great, USA has a red card now... make up call anyone? God, this sport blows!!!
- They flashed some stat earlier about teams scoring first being 27-2-2. Who wants to watch a sport like that? Where are the Joe Montana-John Elway-Michael Jordan-Derek Jeter last minute heroics?
- Anyone want to bet that the cheesy reality show being pushed by ABC, Master of Champions gets a bigger rating than this game I'm watching now?
- There's no crying in baseball, but in soccer... there seems to be a lot of taking dives and rolling around on the groud in "agony". If anyone does that in real football, it probably means every ligament below the waist has just been torn to shreds. Also, I didn't see Dwayne Wade acting like that in the "fall 99 times, get up 107" ad he was in.
- Another USA player just got thrown out of the game... now THEY have to play short-handed... it's possible Americans may never watch another soccer match again.
I think I'm going to get a donut.
posted by Gil at 12:31 PM
4 Comments:
LOL, love this post
Hey mate, you should give up the soccer and investigate rugby
I watched a friend of mine play a rugby match in college once. There was a lot of drinking involved that evening and the next day, my buddy had blood in his urine and couldn't dress himself. So, it does seem like a promising sport. The only problem with rugby is that the guys who play it think they are as tough as football players. Also, no cheerleaders.
You maybe need to watch some European or even Southern hemisphere rugby.
Cheerleaders are starting to creep in, tho it's not a very 'rugby' thing. Two teams we have played against this year had squads, check them out here:
Glasgow Warriors: http://warriorscheer2005.tripod.com/index2.htm
and Newcastle Falcons: http://www.newcastle-falcons.co.uk/35_2103.php
It'll maybe catch on ;-)
Of course, when it comes to cheerleading, these guys in New Zealand have it all sewn up ....
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=503648905125177776&q=haka
Gil,
I just started my Netflix membership and one of the first three movies I received and viewed was "Green Street Hooligans" with Elijah Wood. I suggest you view it, and then see if you think that soccer (football) still sucks...
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